Daily. Sun rises – and the world take its round around the sun. Daily because what ever point I reached in life at one moment I find myself again at the beginning. With the difference of experience. But the feeling is the same. My heart feels everything like its the first time. I value this. But it also hurts, every time, like the first time. With the huge difference that my brain clicks in like: hey girl, u know this feeling. U know it will fade. U know nothing is forever. So today I started not to be sad, if I feel hurt, alone, lonely. I started to embrace this feeling and let it spread through my whole body. Feel it in every cell. And then I told myself that its a nice feeling. It shows me that great time is over and that I have captured this memories deep in my heart. That I won a new friend. For life. And that it matters nothing that she is just leaving my city. Because I know this friendship is real and will hold over country borders. Every time someone I got used to daily, is leaving I feel this huge hole inside me.
And I know its a rest of my childhood. Every time guests were leaving our house and I was alone with my mom- it felt horrible. I was bored again. It was just like happiness left us. But I don’t want to feel like this. And I am not. Thats so easy.
Because now. I live my own life. and can bring my own happiness inside it. I am not anymore dependant on my mom. Waiting that she does something nice with me – bakes a cake – goes out into nature- spends time with me- reads me a book- gives me the feeling that I am loved- laughs with me-watches a movie with me-enjoys my company.
I will just do all this things by my own- with my own inner child. CHEERS!