I let the birds out cleaned up the hall. And to be very honest? I NEEDED IT.
What the hell was I thinking? To just jump from my miserable relationship into a new perfect one? Hell no. Thats not how life works. At least not for me. I took my time to figure out things and to think about the reason I need a man by my side?
I came to the truest and honest conclusion I ever told myself: For kids. For a family. I mean I already know, I wake up every day with another feeling and another thought in my mind. And that’s nice. Thats life. My Wonderfull lovely life. And at this moment I feel that I can make myself happy alone. I just want to ‚be assured‘ to have the opportunity to build a family.
Thats the biggest shit ever. I don’t want to depend on a man just because I need his sperm. So I start informing myself and I found out about ’spermbanks‘ and read blogs of women who did it. They took the sperm from a complete stranger and gave themselves the most wonderful gift a woman can give to herself.
For the moment right now it takes all the pressure of my shoulders. That I need to find a man NOW. Otherwise I will be alone the rest of my life. Single as fuck, without kids, without laughter in my house. All silent. Just my dog and me.
And now, my future looks like this: A cosy home with two ( or more) wonderful kids and definitely two dogs, a lot of mess but happy together. I like this imagination.
And to be honest. I don’t want to take a man just to ‚have‘ a man by my side. It needs to fit. 100%.
If not…OFF U GOOOOOO! I will show u the way out. And then I will return to my two kids and my two dogs and my wonderful cosy home. All mine. All in harmony.