The moment I send my wish to the universe was almost a year ago, then I got back with my ex. After breaking up, I send the same wish up again. But now with the intention and deep believe that it will come true.
It did. I met a person I wished for. Tall, good looking, mature with his own stable job. Not a boy but a man running his own life with success.
My reactions overwhelmed me. I was full of dopamine that made me remember every wrinkle in his smile. I was full of endorphins that made my heart beat so fast, I barely could breath. I obviously had a crush on him. From he first moment I saw him.
We dated. We were walking and talking three hours about everything that came into our minds. I cannot even remember about what we talked, I was so blown away by his eyes and his smell and the way he giggled.
The first thing I wrote my friend on what’s app is: I wanna marry him.
The next day passed, he didn’t wrote me. Maybe it’s too early. ‚Let him tiiiime‘ But I just cannot. I feel so disappointed that he doesn’t show interest. I feel sad. I feel like I am not worth it. And maybe he is not the right for me. Maybe he wants someone else by his side. Maybe I am not the right for him.
And there we go again. This uncertainty kills me. I wanna know yes – or no. I would really love to meet him again and get to know him, find out what’s his favourite food is, how he eats and what he drinks, find out how he lives and what how he looks in pyjama. My feelings are going crazy.
I BARELY KNOW THIS MAN.
But that is me. That is how I am. I fall fast, over love and feelings. Thats noting I should be ashamed of. Just something I should be aware of. Because this is just a feeling. Feelings come and go, like birds in a big hall. I should open the windows … and prepare myself to swipe the shit away.
….But I feel like I am not enough. to be liked. And this is so stupid. I don’t want to feel like this ever again.