Be your own fucking hero

I am trying to live my days from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed. Not in the past. Not in the future. Not in ‚what if‘? Not in ‚why me‘? All I have is this day. I heard this also a thousaaaaand times. But to really understand this and keep my thoughts just in the moment this is a fucking challenge.

Sometimes I sit there and kind of give up. Not so dramatically. I mean I have no motivation for the day. best thing is just go to bed again and don’t move till this day ends. And then a thought comes up. What would you expect from your hero to do? And the moment I know the answer I know what to do.

I really want to have one day a big family. A friend said once to me: My mom is a hero. Cannot tell this of mine. I mean, she did a lot for us and she achieved a lot in her life. But still she is not my hero.

I want my children to think of me as a hero. I want to be their fucking Supermom. That does not mean that I want to be perfect. Not at all. But someone who never gives up. Someone who always has hope and a smile on her lips. Someone who’s love is endless for them and who’s hugs are always tight. But first. I need to become my own hero. I need to safe myself and start control my thoughts. I want to believe that I am worth love. I am worth self affection and self love. I am worth kind and positive thoughts. I am worth this meditation. I am worth to take care of me and the most important: TO KEEP GOING.

NEVER EVER GIVE UP ON MYSELF.

I am worth to stand up for my feelings even if it means to loose people. I don’t need to hold myself back just to not overwhelm them. I don’t need to fear that they run away. They run? Let them run. Don’t sell myself short anymore. I am worth more.

More LOVE. more affection. more time. more kisses. more FOOD. more laughing together. more cuddling. more admiration. more encouraging. more HAPPY moments. more endorphins. More GOOD sex. More FRESH fruits. More ‚first times‘. More learning. More developing. I am worth to ENJOY EVERYDAY of my life. And nobody, not a single human being can provide this all to me.

Except me.

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